Greil's Tea
by PPP SSC
Summary: Commander Greil had many fortes. Tea production was not one of them. If only his employees and children could trust each others' words... Shinon did. Rated K-plus for mild and implicit language


Author's note: My brother and sister (instant_anarchy) helped me write this story in script form. instant_anarchy wrote every line of dialogue between "I like the tea… I think" and "I'm not enjoying it", and my brother wrote every line of dialogue after that.

This was partially inspired by my own family. One time we went to a Mexican restaurant and my sister ordered a Shirley Temple. It came back… with tonic water. She didn't like it, yet all FIVE of us (including her) just HAD to have a taste. I know, weird huh? Especially considering our test score locations…

Greil's Tea

The sun was shining over the fort. It was a nice summer day and people were warm and even a little bit too hot. Greil couldn't let his children and employees suffer this way so he created what he considered the most delicious iced tea ever. He presented the pitcher to several fatigued mercenaries. He said, "Now it is time for you to drink some tea. It's my special recipe."

Shinon whispered over his shoulder to Boyd, "If his tea is anything like his child-rearing, I may have a cardiac arrest."

Greil glared at Shinon. He asked sternly, "You say something, Shinon? Perhaps you'd like to share it with the rest of us."

Shinon backed up and said, "Oh, it's nothing."

Rhys gently nudged Shinon. "He just made an inappropriate comment," he said, and then joined in Greil's stare. "But I'm sure the rest of us will be perfectly happy to try your tea."

Greil left the room. As he did, he said, "Good. If you like the tea, let me know so I'll make it again."

Boyd, with his arousal high, pounded into the table and grabbed the pitcher firmly in his hand. He grabbed a glass in his other and poured the tea into it. "MMMM! Tea! I can't wait to try it!" the misguided middle said, but as the tea touched the tip of his tongue, his face wrinkled in disgust. He spat it to the floor. "Gross! This tea tastes like sh…"

Boyd was going to finish his word, but Oscar firmly held his ground, as he pointed to Rolf and cleared his throat. Boyd knew that he could only get away with a euphemism and said, "Uhh… It tastes real bad."

Oscar smiled and laughed. "Boyd, perhaps you're overreacting. Let me try it," he said politely. He daintily held the cup up to his mouth and took a small sip. And rather uncharacteristically, he spat in a haphazard manner. "Holy guacamole!" he shouted, with a small frown, "That's horrible."

Shinon pointed with his eyes at the spit-up tea on the floor at Oscar's feet, and said, "If that's Oscar's reaction to the tea, then I definitely won't try it.

Ike and Soren came into the room around this time. Ike thought it necessary to explain why they were missing so he told the truth: "Hey, Soren was teaching me about fire elves in the other room so…"

Shinon interrupted rudely, "I don't see why you need to beat around the bush, Ike. You were making out in there."

Ike was quite annoyed at this point. "We. Are. Just. Friends," he said exasperatedly. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Shinon smirked and chuckled a little. "You mean to get me to believe you? Infinity plus one." Soren blushed and stammered. "Look he's blushing!" Shinon shouted as he pointed at the coloration in Soren's generally pallid skin.

Ike had the perfect vague justification, "Well you embarrassed him!"

Soren knew what was to follow if he didn't quickly change the subject "Hey… uhh… what is that? Tea?" he asked, his face still bright red.

Shinon smiled at the opportunity to torture Soren. "It's 'tea', yes. Would you like me to pour you some 'tea', brainiac?" Shinon asked. Soren eyed him suspiciously.

"Knowing you, you're just going to 'pour me some tea' by dumping the entire jug on my head," Soren said cynically, while protectively holding a lock of his hair.

Shinon rolled his eyes and said, "Fine, fine, pour your own then if you're so cynical."

"I will," he said triumphantly. He poured a cup of tea so skillfully that Shinon thought it a pity to be wasted on this garbage. Soren took a sip that made Oscar's look abrasive in comparison. He reluctantly gulped it down, and winced. "Well, it's not the _worst _thing I've ever been served."

Shinon smiled and remarked, "Ulterior messages don't suit you, frank boy."

Soren looked offended at Shinon's assumption he was being diplomatic. "I mean just what I said. It's pretty bad, but I _have _been served worse," he said, in the least whiny way possible to get such a statement across.

Boyd shot a worried look to his big brother. "Oscar, is it okay if I feel real sorry for Soren now?" he asked.

Oscar only smiled and asked curiously, "Why are you asking me to give you permission for sympathy, especially if it's not to me?"

"I don't know," Boyd said, dumbfounded why he had done that himself.

Rhys gave the two older brothers and Soren a look of disapproval. "Oh you three are so closed-minded," he said as he walked toward the tea pitcher. "Maybe you just aren't used to this flavor."

Boyd tried to block the table from his frail love rival. "I wouldn't recommend someone with regular health problems to try it."

Rhys smiled. "Oh don't be silly. It won't _kill _me," he said facetiously. He had a bit of trouble lifting the pitcher but was able to pour himself a glass. He took a rather bold sip, but he was trying to prove a point. He swallows. "See, that wasn't so bad?" Suddenly he felt ill in his stomach. His face looked shocked and green. He covered his mouth and ran to the outhouse posthaste after saying, "Excuse me."

Shinon watched the priest head over to vomit and said adamantly, "I am NOT touching that poison swill!"

Suddenly, Gatrie walked in the door. He looked very chipper, even for Gatrie. "Hi!" he announced. "I just got some girl's address. It's the Get Lost house on the corner of Never Come Back and Creepy Stalker lane."

Shinon laughed quietly at his friend. "Gatrie that's… never mind," he said, as he picked up the pitcher. "Here, have some 'delicious tea'."

Gatrie enthusiastically grabbed the pitcher and poured himself a glass, and said, "Don't mind if I do." He took a sip, and like Boyd and Oscar before him, spat it back on the floor. Assuming it to be an honest mistake and not a prank, he apologized, "Umm… Shinon, I'm sorry, but that tea is the yuckiest thing in the world."

Shinon continued to hold his ground. "Well, you know best, I guess I won't try it."

Rhys came back in the fort, his mouth still wet with saliva. "Uh… th-that was very er… refreshing," he said dishonestly trying to preserve the absent commander Greil's feelings.

Shinon turned to face him. He asked, "The tea or the hurling? Because if I actually tried that tea, the hurl would be very refreshing."

"Thank you Titania," she said, turning back to face her mentor, "That was a very helpful hint. I'll remember it in the future." She stared at the pitcher in front of Shinon. "Hmm…" she asked, "Is that tea or liquor?"

Having a soft spot for minors, Shinon wanted to protect Mist from the flavor at all costs. He quickly said, "Uhh…it's…liquor, so you can't have any." Mist sighed incredulously. "What?" asked Shinon.

Mist put her face in her left palm and said, "It's just that it's in front of you and there's still some left."

Gatrie swooped in to tell Mist the truth before Shinon had a chance to tell him that was a bad idea. "Shinon's lying," he said, "It's actually tea. He just wants to protect you because it's the yuckiest thing in the universe."

Mist said, "Oh, it can't be that bad. Lemme have some," as she strolled to the table to pick up a cup and pour some.

The five men who had already tried some and Shinon warned her against it with a loud, resounding "NO!" Boyd blocked the table.

Ike took his sister by the shoulders and said, "Lemme tell you what, Mist. I'll try it, and if I think it's yucky, I'll let you know."

Mist said back, "Okay. Well I guess you're so omnivorous I guess when you say it's yucky it's probably true."

Soren looked at his friend with worry in his eyes. He warned, "Ike, don't drink it. It might kill you."

Ike smiled reassuringly at Soren and said, "It only gave Rhys stomach problems. I'll be fine." He took a sip directly from the pitcher's lip, and then he promptly spat it all over the table. "That is, by far, the grossest thing I've ever tasted in my life," he said.

But Mist was stubborn. "Maybe I disagree anyway," she said, as she started pouring a cup, much to the chagrin of her brother and friends. She took a healthy gulp, and remarked, "Eww! That tea tastes like sh…"

Boyd interrupted, "Firstly, that's my line, and secondly, Rolf's right there."

Titania walked in the room and said in her diplomatic way, "What tastes like defecation, now?"

Boyd answered, "Commander Greil's tea. You want some? I wouldn't recommend it, because it tastes bad, but I think you probably won't barf up your guts like Rhys did."

Rolf pointed out, "Aunt Titania, 'declaration' doesn't start with a 'sh' sound."

She quickly responded, "Uhh… you'll learn about vulgarity when you're older."

Still a naïve little kid, Rolf responded, "But Aunt Titania, I asked about 'declaration', not 'Vulcan parity'."

Titania seriously wanted Boyd or Oscar to shut him up. She said, "Whatever. I think you guys are being too hard on Commander Greil. I mean, he may not be Oscar, but I think he could pull off a simple tea." She poured a cup and took a sip, but no sooner was it in her mouth, than was it in Soren's face and dripping down his hair.

Annoyed, he reached for the hem of his robe to dry off, and said sarcastically, "Thank you so much Titania." He began trying to wring out the ends of his hair.

Titania was not usually one to be frank, and was notorious for "white lying" but she made an exception for this. She outright said, "That was so bad, it made Shinon and Soren's manners look good."

Irked not only by her hypocrisy and the fact that she soaked him in putrid regurgitated tea without warning, Soren responded to the insult, "Hey, don't compare me to that Neanderthal."

Shinon dug a deeper trench for himself by saying, "What do you mean I'm rude? What the hell?"

Oscar was irritated. "My little brother is right in front of you," he said.

Rolf, again, was curious. "What's wrong with the word 'rude'?" he asked.

Oscar looked back at Rolf and said, "Well, he used another word that's bad. 'Rude' is a fine word."

"Oh, he said a bad word!" Rolf said, much to the befuddlement of Oscar who assumed that they were past this stage. "Is 'mean' the bad word?"

Just at that moment, Greil came back and answered, "How are you enjoying my tea?"

Rhys in the most tactful way possible said, "I like the tea… I think."

Titania, regaining her diplomatic composure responded, "Uh… sorry, but… I don't like the tea.

The two second-born children proudly shouted in unison, "It tastes like sh… icky."

Gatrie did not bother with subtleties. He said honestly, "It's the yuckiest thing ever!"

Shinon stood composed and said while wincing at the sight of it, "I don't dare to try it."

Ike responded, "I really, really don't like this tea. Sorry, Dad."

Soren responded pathetically, "I've had worse."

Oscar's earnest answer was, "I'm not enjoying it."

Shinon began to proudly strut off saying, "Well, I don't care because I'm willing to believe you all."

Mist turned around saying, "Wait…", she pointed to Shinon and shouted, "HE TRICKED US INTO DRINKING IT!" She promptly knocked him over.

"What the fu… ARRRG!" he yelled, as Gatrie looked angry and placed his knee on Shinon's chest.

Mist pushed the pitcher over to Shinon's face and shouted, "DRINK THE TEA!"

Shinon screamed helplessly, "NO!"

Mist turned to her brother and asked, "Ike, help me pour the tea into Shinon's mouth."

"Why?" he asked, noticing her progress seemed to be unhindered.

"Just do it!" she responded.

He shrugged, "Umm… okay," and complied. Both of Greil's children tried to pour the tea into Shinon's mouth. Shinon spat preemptively.

"Eww. Gross. Disgusting. You can't make me drink it!" he protested.

Ike looked proud and said, "We just did."

Shinon got aggravated and said, "It didn't touch my tongue, but if it will get you to shut up, I'll drink it." Mist cheered. Shinon stumbled over to the table, taking the pitcher from Mist and pouring it into a cup. He took a reluctant and very small sip, and his eyes lit up. His reaction when the tea first hit his taste buds was, "YUM!"


End file.
